And she's off........

Wednesday a bittersweet afternoon. Sending Nadine off to pre-k was such a weird experience for me.

It's hard to believe that just over 4 years ago,I held Nadine in my arms almost every minute of the day.
From toddler to little girl, it's a adjustment for me.
It's almost like , we are getting to know each other again.
I realize Nadine still needs me, but before four years old she needed me in a different way.
Today is a battle as she expresses herself more and more! ( Battle for me).
I question myself almost daily, "should I have given her a time out for that", "am I a good mother"
"should I say no more", "am I doing the right thing", "should I say Yes more" ( needless to say, I'm watching alot of "nanny 911" lately ).

I dread the day she goes to Kindergarten, because in my eyes, that's it! She'll be in school all day. I wont see her again till she's graduated from High School, and then its off to College and then .... well who knows. ( Projecting is the worst)

One of the best decisions I made was to be a stay at home Mother ( working part time).
It's a tough one to make these days, due to financial aspects of living in this tough economy.
I recall when I gave up selling real estate, I questioned the decision because I loved "making a deal".
I loved when a seller would sign the listing papers for me to represent the sale of their property! It was a great feeling.
I loved going out with customers, clients, going to dinner with the bosses and celebrations!
Not to mention the commission checks.

The decision to stay home with Nadine and persue a part time job came very easy for me. When I was told to stop working and put on a "modified bed-rest", I was given time to think about what I wanted to do and I realized
I waited to be a mom and it was my time to just do it, and enjoy it for her and I.

I'm lucky! For these four years I spent every day with her, every night I put her to bed, everyday I gave her lunch,every morning we had breakfast together, played and cuddled, almost nightly we sat as a family and ate dinner together! I sat and showed her how to write her name, I sat with her on the couch and gave her , her first crayon and watched her color for the first time ( A REAL PICTURE), I watched her take her first steps, roll over, she needed me the entire day, and I was able to be there for her. I was able to bring her to the parks , most days twice a day! I was able to take in every moment she was a toddler! I heard her laugh throughout the day, I was there for her when she cried. Despite the fact , hubby and I had to cut back on expenses to do all this, it was soooo worth it. Its time i'll never get back.

Today, even though for just half the day, I know in a couple hours , she'll run out of pre-k with open arms , run up to me and give me a hug.
The ride home will be all about her few hours in pre-k and i'll drive with open ears listening.
At home , we will open her bag and search for her projects of the day.
For the rest of the evening, i'll be ready to say "no" , to say "yes" and to be there for her. I'll be there for my little girl.