what can I tell ya?

What can I tell you ? I've had a writers block for two years and finally a breakthrough. I'm so relived you have nooooo idea. I Can finally work on my little book and try to blog here and there.

Here's whats been going on.. Jackie, I can't even bring myself to say her name without feeling like a large brick is weighing down on my heart , however its a realization that I came to grips with the day she went to Heaven. Leaving Sea Cliff was one of the hardest things in my life believe it or not, I had such a hard time with it and Jackie helped me thru that! Everyone else was busy and did not keep in touch with me except for the occasional Face Book hello or text message from someone. Jackie however was texting daily and setting dates aside to see me. Since she passed, i'm actually afraid to step into Sea Cliff and see some peeps. I'm so worried i'll just break down because Jackie is not there and because I never actually had closure ( if that makes sense). At the time I left that Village, I was also putting up fences and angry ... not a good combo.

Besides Jackie, the day we moved into Holbrook house I met Maureen and her son Evan. Sadly a year and one half later, Maureen passed away. We had such little time to get to know each other I felt.. but what I did know is that Nadine loved Evan and I had to find David ( Evans Dad to keep the link, plus one of the last times I saw Maureen she asked I keep Evan and Nadine together).. Little did I know that her death would open up a New Beginning for me and I would have her son Evan and her precious infant baby Ella in my life almost daily ( up until recently anyway).. and of course her husband, my buddy David. Not only is Evan the same age as Nadine , he was around all the time ( Still is) and its like a built in play date for my girlie. I was holding and playing with Ella all the time , it was great! David also became my "girlfriend" we would chat it up all the time, while the kids played and had fun. Evan and Ella became family, as well as David and his family. Face forward to now..David, has been dating beautiful Debbie and soon i'm hoping that he will have her and her son Dylan in his life from here forward..time will tell. Time is also telling whether or not David will keep Nadine and I in their lives...
Since Maureen's passing, my cousin Mary, then my cousin Katie, my cousin Colleen and I can't forget Laurie.. all passed away ( Laurie the exception, she passed when I was pregnant with Nadine).

Anyway- I'm not sure what to do with these feelings. I do know that three of my cousins passed from Cancer, so i'm on that ! I've gotten checks , procedures ..you name it. So far I'm in the clear.

Besides the deaths of all of these gorgeous girls, not to long ago I have realized the one person I thought I could count on does not love me anymore. (Its a sad thing when you realize that persons heart is not pounding for you anymore). So this in itself by no means compares to what I've mentioned above , however it does feel like the death of a long era. I'll be honest, I thought having Nadine in our lives meant our family was forever... but I was sadly misguided by bad judgement on my part. Besides running a very busy Doctors office, being a mommy to my beautiful Nadine, I am back to doing Karate again! Its been literally 16 years. I have been yearning to go back , however I didn't want to step on Nadine's toes since she is also doing Karate for nearly three years. I'm loving it loving it and I've met such great people. The Sensei is so accommodating and a AWESOME teacher, and the Sempais are gems. I really am so grateful for everything I have! Besides my heart feeling a bit broken and dealing with that , there is something else that's been going on, something i'll address later on... but for now i'll say nite nite and edit this in a day or so. :-)